You can break my spirit

Well yesterday was a completley shitty day. It started out rough before I ever left home and it continued to be that way all day! One of those days where everything made me cry and I could not shut the tears off. I am typically a strong person emotionally and sometimes I hate that. When I finally break down I am a big ole hot mess!!

Trent had the Grand Prix Derby at AWANAS last night and he was so excited to race his car. I helped him build it, mind you I have never done this before and I had no idea what I was doing. I did feel bad that he didn't even win one race. But I guess it was a good learning experience for him. He is a very sore loser so it is good to lose a few times. I had done well with my eating until I got home at 8:00 last night and then it was a free for all. I let my day get the best of me and resorted to old habbits trying to burry the emotions. It didn't work. It never does. So I screwed up. Today is a new day and it means I have to work that much harder. Lots of water, smart food choices and I must get in a work out sometime.

Trent woke up in the middle of the night with diarrhea. I ended up putting him in the shower at 4:00 in the morning and then we went back to bed. I should have just stayed up. I am having a really hard time waking up in the morning right now. I know I could go to bed earlier some times but I think being in the basement where it is completely dark is making it that much more difficult. I can not wait for our house to get finished so I can move back upstairs to my bedroom. It is nice outside already this morning and I think I will take advantage of that and get the car cleaned out this afternoon. IT IS A PIG STY!!! And I hate that! I haven't decided yet if I will run after work or go to kick boxing tonight. I suppose it depends on how Trent's day at school goes. I don't like dragging him to kick boxing with me during the week because we don't get done until around 9 and he should be in bed by then. So we will see. My day today has started out better and I intend to keep it that way. My feelings are still a little hurt by yesterday's incidents but I will deal with that in time.

 

                                              She is my biggest competitor!

 

I will beat her!!

 

 

And a funny!

 

Goals and rewards!

As I said yesterday I am throwing out the scale for the week. If you don't know me well then you don't know that this idea of not weighing in every morning causes a near anxiety attack just thinking about it!! I always tell people when trying to lose weight don't stand on the scale daily, scale stalking will only discourage you. But I do the exact opposite! Maybe when you get to maintenace mode that is ok but not when trying to lose. So in the middle of the night when I got up to pee I took the scale and tucked it in the closet behind the water heater. Out of sight out of mind. I hope! The reason for doing this right now is I know I try harder when I don't know where I stand. I put forth more effort. It is so easy to stand on the scale in the morning and see a couple pound loss and use that to justify eating crappy things. "Well I lost 2 pounds so I can eat a cheeseburger and cheesey fries with a shake tonight" Yes I have said that to myself more than once! We are our own worst enemies! It is ok to eat those kind of things once in a while but NOT every day or even every couple of days. Whatever you do the majority of the time is what will show on the outside! So it made me a little nervous but I did bypass the scale this morning. The whole protien shake for supper kind of worked last night. I got home after work and tried to start getting things out to cook supper for my family. I am so lost in my half a kitchen I have right now! Breaded tenderloins and french fries is what they had. (My hubby has no desire to eat anything green or healthy, rabbit food is what he calls it)As I was smashing the ritz crackers to bread the pork chops in I started getting the stuff out for my protein shake. It was SOOOOOO Yummy!! 1 cup Silk unsweeted vanilla almond milk 1 scoop vanilla whey protein 2 cups frozen strawberries 1 orange early rise sugar free drink mix packet I will absolutley make it again!! But then I thought I would try one corner of the tenderloin and ended up eating a whole one. It wasn't a terrible choice but it wasn't in my plan for the day! Something I thought about yesterday was goals. I used to set small goals and rewards for myself and I stopped doing that quite some time ago. It is time to set them again. Often we have to remind ourselves to stop looking at how far we have to go and look at how far you have come! Pat yourself on the back, no matter how big or small give yourself the credit you deserve for the work you have done!So set yourself small goals, 5-10 pound goals with a non food reward.
Here are mine
200-Ipod arm band
193-Yoga pants
186-$10 itunes
179-Scrubs
172-new socks
168-swimsuit
164-Jeans
160-shirt
156-bra shopping
152 Boots- the knee high kind!!
148- Photo shoot!!
146- SOMETHING BIG THIS IS POUNDS LOST!!
I have a busy day at work and then circuit training tonight. This is always a good night for me, I DON'T HAVE TO COOK SUPPER!! So suck it up and get busy!

Throwing out the scale and training!

What a busy weekend!We are still spending all our free time working on the house. It saves a lot of money doing all the remodeling ourselves, with the help of a few friends, but man does it take a lot longer! Right now our house looks condemend. We have no windows, they are all covered with plywood, half the siding is tore off, the railings are missing on the front porch and it goes on and on! But on the positive note, the drywall is almost all hung, the windows are ordered, furnace and air are ordered, and ordering kitchen cabinets next weekend. This means it is being put back together! I went to kickboxing on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, it is one of my favorite classes. I love beating on the bag a little. And it is even better when I come home with bloody knuckles, it's like it is proof of my work that day and makes you feel a little bad ass! Saturday evening, even though I was tired I decided to head into the city to get some shopping done because of the pending snow storm on Sunday. It was nice to have a couple hours of quietness to myself, however; I found nothing I wanted. Trent needed a coat, his zipper broke on his, and snow boots. I stopped 4 places and didn't find anything! I wanted a new pair of workout pants. I never found those either. Every place I went to had their spring stuff out already and I didn't want capris, I wanted pants. So I guess for now I am stuck with the same ones I have had for a couple years, the waist rolls down and I am constantly trying to fix and adjust them. But I guess they'll work until I can get out the capri's. My favorite part about going to the city on my own is going to the drive through at Panda Express! Broccoli beef and mixed veggies for less than 200 calories!!! MMMMM yummy! Sunday I finished up the laundry. I have NO dirty clothes and ALL the clean clothes are put away!! Yes this is record setting for me! I don't think I have had all the laundry put away in well over a year! Thanks to my Mother in Law for helping me while the guys worked on the house! It wasn't a great food day, but not terrible. I did do a decient job making food choices but before bed I ate a Little Debbie Easter cake. Not a smart decision. Shouldn't eat that late at night and definatley not sugar! I had taken a nap with Trenton earlier in the day in combination with day light savings time and the sugar, I was wired! I never have troubles sleeping and I was up until almost midnight, wired!!! If there would have been a 10pm fitness class I would have gone last night!! So today is weigh in day with a friend and I came in at 209. This was down 2 pounds but really frustrated me! I could have made a little better food choices but I thought I had done better than that. As she reminded me, the number does not define you. So this week I decided I am not setting a big # goal. Between now and next Monday I will have 3 runs, 2 bootcamp classes and 2 kickboxing classes. I am going to try only having a protein shake for supper. Evenings are the hardest time for me to stay on track so I am going to make it simple. Eat the right food all day, protein shake for supper. I also decided I need to get back to goals and rewards for myself. So I will spend today writing them and post what I come up with tomorrow!! So this is my goal for the week! Train, Eat, Sleep! And last I am putting the scale away. THIS IS SCARRY FOR ME!!! If you know me at all I am a sclae stalker!! Every morning I stand on it. I am putting it away until next Monday! If I don't know how I am doing I think I will work a little harder! This is a great reminder!

Just another day

Well yesterday wasn't a real eventful day. After work I changed clothes and flew back to town to teach my circuit training class. It was a small class. Me and one other person. It was to be expected with no school and many people spent the day in Des Moines after the state basketball game. My food has stayed on track pretty well. I did eat a few pizza rolls but I stayed within my calorie goal and ate clean the rest of the day. I am trying really hard to not eat late in the evening. Sometimes it is one of the hardest things for me. I often fill my evening with eating. But I have learned how important it is to not eat a couple hours before bed. Some may be able to do that but I could eat perfect all day and eat a meal right before bed, even if it is clean and within calories for the day, I will still show a gain the next day. SO that is my struggle I am focusing on this week. I did measure my body fat % while at the fitness center last night and I am at 34.3%. My goal is to see this to 20-22% by the end of the year. I will give it a month or two before I check it again. This changes pretty slowly. I have also had a hell of a time getting to bed early at night. Don't get me wrong. I sleep well and fall asleep literally when I hit the pillow. But my husband is gone for work overnight sometimes so when he is home I feel like I have to stay up with him. And he is the one that stays up half the night and has troubles sleeping. If I don't get my sleep, I don't function worth a shit and I will be the first one to back out of the gym at 4:30 in the morning. Which I did yesterday morning and this morning. I got up, shut off the alarm, put on my socks and climbed back in bed. So I guess while Trent is at church tonight I will have to go to the gym and get my 3-4 miles done. Nothing to eventful in our life today. Work, supper, church, a little work on the house, make friends with the treadmill and BED!! I'll end with this. Life IS to short to focus on the negatives. The goal should be to be better than your were the day before. So everyone have a happy day. After all, IT'S HUMP DAY!! Go celebrate :) You can add me on My Fitness Pal if you want to see my food logs My user name its Cassie_70

F*** Society, I choose!!

So I have had a lot going on in my mind here the last few days. Mostly, living the life I want. Not living for societies idealistic thoughts of what a person should be. I WANT TO BE ME! Not the me that sugar coats everything, tip toes around thoughts,not the me that is constantly thinking about what others will think, the me that I really am. The me that is just me. I will do the things that I want because I want to. If I want a tattoo, I'll get it. If I want black nail polish, I'll wear it. If I want to be loud and obnoxious I will be loud and obnoxious. If I want to dance on the tables at the bar I will dance on the tables at the bar. Why? Because I shouldn't have top hide who I am to make others like or want to be around me. I am me and I will be me and they will like me for me. I like me! Sometimes one of the hardest things for me is getting past otheres thoughts. Life is not about what others think of you. Life is about enjoying yourself, family and friends. Life is not about keeping up with the Jones'. It is about setting your own goals, your own idealistic images. You don't need compare your journey to everyone elses. After all it is YOUR journey! As a young adult I was told by more than one family member that I would never amount to anything. Well I have spent the last 15 years proving those people wrong. I am a strong woman. I am independent. I have a magnificent career. I have an amazing family. I have become a leader when I used to be a follower. I have the bestest friends! Yes I love you all and you know who you are! I have good days and I have bad days. Don't we all? What I am saying is it doesn't matter what others think. It doesn't matter what someone else is doing or has done. We are who we are inside and no matter how hard we try we can not change that. If we just release the fear and treasure it...all we will have is happiness. So yes this morning my exact words to a friend of mine was "it's time to start living for me. Fuck everyone else and what they think. I want to be me. the real me. Not hide behind societies idealistic thoughts!" So this is me and this is what you can expect... I will give you the shirt off my back if you deserve it push me against a wall, disrespect me, and you will regret it to dance to be silly to have cocktails and campfires to do my best at what ever it is I am doing challenge me and you'll see the beast come out to prove you wrong mexican food could be on the menu daily and I'd be ok with that I could live in my yoga pants and sweatshirts or jeans and hoodies my son is my world loud music is a must long talks late at night mud sling'n tires on a big truck wrestling blowing shit up road tripping is a fav even as I get older I promise you I will speak the truth, if you don't want to hear it, don't ask! So be you! Only you can make the choice to change your life, only you have made the choices to get it where it is right now. It is yours. You choose. Happy Tuesday and KICK SOME ASS NODAWAY VALLEY BOYS at the state tournament today!!

It never gets easy!

Well I kind of treated this weekend like a last horrah for a couple of months. It is time to focus and today is the day to begin! It was a great weekend! We went out with some friends for supper on Friday night. As per usual we ran an hour and a half later than planned so we skipped Zombie Burger because I didn't want to drive clear down town. But we did go out for supper and a night out on the town. I found Fox Barrel beer. I love it! The one's I had were blackberry and pear flavored. Traking calories on that were depressing! But it was fun and I don't do that very often! Worked on the house a lot on Saturday. They boys tore out the fire place and put up plywood until the windows come. Every day our remodel gets bigger and bigger and we decide to do a little more than we had origionally intended. But I am so excited for it to be done! It will be an amazing change from what we started with! Sunday I picked up what I have left for a house and then went to kick boxing class. That always kicks my ass and is a great work out! Showered and headed to Council Bluffs for a little shopping! Will definatley have to go back. I did buy a new pair of shoes, purple and blue asics, that I can not wait to try out in the gym!! Off to another day of work and squeezing in a work out somewhere. I skipped boot camp this morning. It's an excuse I know but I was tired this morning. I got to bed late last night and when I don't get 7 hours of sleep I struggle all day. The scale said 211 this morning and I am determined by next Monday to see 205! As I have been at this for a few years now I can tell you this is the truth! It should never be easy. If it is you need to try harder! Always be learning, always be growing, always focus on the process and the results will follow!!

I want them to think "she could kick my ass!"

I am super excited to start following my journey monitoring something other than the scale! Body fat %& is really becoming more and more of an interest to me. Who really cares if the scale says 160-170 if your solid. I saw a post on Facebook one dayand of course I can't find it now, but it said "I don't want the guys in the gym to think wow she's hot. I want them to think wow, she could kick my ass!" That's me. I want to be strong, I want to be muscle! So this is the goal! As I said before I want to start training again for another half marathon and long distance running breaks down muscle tissue. So this is why I will be following body fat in addition to the scale to see what happens. I'll be taking official measurements Monday and planning my workout program this weekend. I am starting a challenge at work today through the month of April. So the cash prize for this will be some additional motivation! I am planning a night out tonight wich I don't do often. I am planning on my fair share of cockyails &to supper at Zombie Burger! I've never been there and it sounds way fun!! Tonight aside it's time to find a race to sign up for because without a goal date I will maintain stagnation! So here's to a great weekend and finding goals! Happy Friday!!