What if not???

Yesterday was still a down in the dumps kind of day. I did not turn to food to fix it. That in itself is a success! But I did do a lot of evaluation and looking at my patterns, what I do, why I do it, why I keep doing what I am doing kind of things. I had a good texting conversation with someone who has been a support to me since shortly after my journey started. I was first reminded that the scale does not determine everything and to not only look at where I am at but where I have come from and what has been accomplished. I often forget where I've come from, what I've been through and how it's changed and is turning out. This journey is not over. Nor will it ever be. Goals are ever changing and will continue to change. I want to share this video. What really caught my attention was the way his body changed towards the end and the number on the scale that went with the pictures. His body went through tremendous changes and yet only a few pound difference.

http://youtu.be/ZrasQOojFyo  Please go watch this video! The man who never gave up. I don't have will power, I am will power!!

You can not doubt yourself, you must believe. Believe when it is beyond reason to believe!

In my evaluation of myself, amongst all the tears, I realized something. I am not pushing myself like I could be. Yesterday morning I was doing kettle bell swings with a 15 pound kettle bell. 15 POUNDS!!!???? Cassie, WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? WAISTING TIME???? I should be doing these with 40 or even 50 pounds!! Why are you not challenging yourself? Why are you not doing what you are capable of?? The answer I came up with. I don't want people to see me struggle. I don't want people to see me not able to complete something. So I use a lesser weight to be able to make it through the time. What am I afraid of? What would happen if I did use the heavier weight? What would happen if I didn't have the 2 Casey's cookies at night? What would happen if I did get enough veggies daily? What would happen if I continue to challenge myself day in and day out? What would happen if our outings and get togethers didn't revolve around food? What would happen if????

Well what would happen is I would see myself as a success. What's wrong with that? Why would you stop that? Why would you interfere with your own success? Why would you self sabotage? Fear? Well maybe. The fear of being successful...if brings about all these what if's. What if it's not enough? WHat if I look worse than I do now(because I already have skin issues). What if people expect more out of me than I can give? What if I can't maintain it and become another statistic? What if? What if? What if? This is when I was asked, What if not?????


What if not??? What if I continue to spend more time worried about all the what if's that I never even get the chance to see if I had anything to worry about to begin with? Why waste all this time worrying and not just doing? I know that there will be some days easier than others but today and from this day forward I will do my best to continue putting one foot in front of the other. I will challenge myself in my workouts. I will feed my body the food that it needs, not what it wants. I will continue to work towards my goals and when one is met I will set another and then another and yet again another. That is the way this works. No more what if's. From now on, what if not??









As long as your willing to fight the struggle you can have what ever it is you want! This journey is not about food, it's the emotion that causes your behaviors and how you deal with emotion. All this time I thought I had dealt with all the deep down demons inside. Woooohaa was I wrong! There is ever surfacing new emotions. New struggles, new tasks and new stressors. It is all a matter of how you handle them.


This is my notebook of goals for the day. I accomplished them all except the water. Lordy that is a lot of water!! But I was close!!