12 steps to self care

I AM STILL HERE!!! I have taken a break from blogging. The last few weeks, well months really, I have done a lot of looking at life. What do I want in life? Where do I want to go? What makes me happy? What can I do without?

Yep I turned 30 and decided it was time to enjoy life!!!

I have stepped on the scale recently but it has been at least a week ago. I really can not tell you when it was. I intended on weighing in this morning for a challenge I joined that starts tomorrow; however, I completely forgot. I woke up a little late, the scale is not sitting out to remind me and it never crossed my mind. I think I have finally gotten to the point where I do not obsess about it. I FORGET ABOUT IT!!! YAY!!! So like I said I start a challenge tomorrow so I will weigh in tomorrow morning, September 21 and then October 1.

This challenge I talk about is a 10 day clean eating challenge I joined on Facebook with a coach I used to work a little with. It is only 10 days, no alcohol, no sugar and no artificial junk food. I think it is perfect to get me on track with my eating. I typically will do really well for a few days and then I blow it so I am excited to start this. I will plan September 21 to be my one and only cheat day and then be back at it for the remainder of the month.

 

 

This is where I have been mentally in the most recent days. Working on me and what makes me happy. If you aren't happy you sure as hell aren't healthy. I am still working on #2, #5,  and #7 but I am getting there!

And this is how it makes me feel!!! Free and alive!

 

I challenge you to take the 12 steps to self care!!

Short, sweet and to the point today! See you soon!!

A different way of thinking

Well my little man went off to first grade yesterday! He was so excited!!!

 

And when I asked him how his day was he said "BORING!" "But 2 gingerbread men jumped out of the oven at snack time and ran off! Mom, we have to call dad so if he see's them he doesn't run them over!!!" So he must have enjoyed himself a little because he was so excited about the gingerbread men and we had to look for them on the way home!

 

As I said in my last post I have put my scale away until September 1. I have started to change my way of thinking over the last few weeks. I have come to a realization of so many things! When I first started this journey I changed the food I choose to eat and I ate 1200 calories per day. Yes I lost weight, I lost a lot of weight. I started exercising, exercising a lot, sometimes even twice a day. Long extended cardio sessions, abusing my body in all aspects. Every time I ate something that I "shouldn't" I would feel heavy guilt and remorse. So I would tell myself to jump back on the wagon and move forward. But I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do. Isn't that how people ate? I mean it was working so it had to be right! Right???  ??

 

WRONG!

 

So after so long with excessive calorie restriction and extreme exercise and I had turned into a smaller version of me that was/is moody with very definitive highs and lows, depressed, frequent headaches, sleep deprived, food obsessed, unhappy, pressure ridden bitch. Yep that was me. Was this the healthy lifestyle I was looking for? Was this what people felt like that lived a healthy lifestyle? Is this what I am working so hard to get to?

 

I think what I forgot was a healthy lifestyle includes so much more than the food that goes in your mouth and the calories you burn in the gym. If you don't have happiness then where is the healthy in that?  The binge/purge process, from one extreme to another, 1200 calories a day to 5000 calorie binges, with unnecessary amounts of cardio and extreme guilt and shame. What is this? 

 

What this is, is a recipie for disaster. What this is, is a shurefire way to ruin your metabolism and better yet to make you a very unhappy person with nothing left to enjoy even when you reach the goal. So say you do manage do reach a goal with these tactics. Then what? Do you continue eating 1200 calories per day? Your body has adjusted to what you do. It has learned to live off of the food that you give it and it has adapted and knows how much exercise you are going to do. To take out all the science shit, what has happened is all this effort you have put in to burn calories and lose weight has SLOWED YOUR METABOLISM!!! Now you want to go to maintenance phase and you increase your calories to the recommended 2000 calorie daily diet. That is 800 calories more per day then your body is used to. Now you start gaining weight like wildfire! But your metabolism is still so slow, you cut your calories again to lose what you gained and nothing happens!!! You start running miles and miles per day, and nothing happens! Why??? You have SCREWED your metabolism!!!

 

  This is a VERY VERY VERY slow process to repair. When the lifestyle becomes an obsession, constantly thinking about food, hours of exercise to make up for what I've eaten, ect it is no longer a healthy lifestyle! It's time to focus on health, happiness and life as a whole

 

This is me. This is my new journey. The scale only comes out once, maybe twice per month, I don't feel guilty for eating something "bad" for me. I eat one serving and move on about my business. There is no more on or off the bandwagon. I exercise, I do what I enjoy in intervals with intensity and be done, no wasting time in long drawn out sessions and hours upon hours in the gym. Most importantly I will enjoy my life as it comes! I will not let the process control my life, I will enjoy the process! I would hate to think that you didn't enjoy cake with your children at the birthday party and on your way home that night you die in a car accident. Yep that is how I will end.

 

IT IS YOUR LIFE, ENJOY IT WHILE YOU HAVE IT!

(that doesn't mean go on an uncontrollable binge, just enjoy the process!)

I'm 30 and I'm training to be badass!

I made it through the 20's and as of yesterday am now 30. I did a lot of thinking this morning and on my way to work. I had SOOOOO much fun this weekend!!! Why? Because I gave myself a free pass to not worry about the scale, to not worry about what I ate and not worry about what I drank. I allowed myself to enjoy the moment. I visited with people I don't see every day. I had a blast while all of us "grown ups" acted like 18 year olds again! I am so glad I decided to join the block party Saturday night instead of keeping my birthday celebration separate. We had TONS of food, yard games, music, drinks and even more people! Here is my BFF and myself about half way through the night!

I have made the decision to put the scale away for the rest of the month. I will get it out on September 1. I will focus on the healthy daily habits and not the result. If you focus on the habits the results will follow. I will make good food choices, I will drink my water (I am so dehydrated right now from Saturday night and playing volleyball yesterday that my lips are peeling!) no late night eating and regular exercise.

I have come to the conclusion that

 

1. Yes, I still want to lose a few pounds but I want to be a healthy person more than a number on the scale  that shows my body's relation to gravity.

 

2. I want health in entirety, not just a healthy weight, that really doesn't mean shit if the rest of your life is not in balance.

 

3. I want to enjoy life as it happens and not let the scale depress me and be my focus every day while I let everything else in the world pass me by.

 

 

Is this me giving up?? Absolutely not!! This is me focusing on the beauty of life! There is so much out there to see and experience! It is time I do that!!

 

 

I played volleyball yesterday with a group of people. I am HORRIBLE at volleyball but I love playing. In the beginning I always have butterflies in my tummy, afraid of what kind of fool I will make of myself. But who really cares, everyone screws up, does something stupid, hits the ball to the wrong place, whatever, laugh about it and go on. Once I got over this I actually started playing and the errors became less. Don't get me wrong I still need some practice, A LOT, but I was able to have fun and not be scared once I let that go. So that is what I am doing with life. I am letting the stress go so life isn't passing me by.

 Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined!

 

Goals and Burpee funny

I sit here this morning trying to decide what to blog about. There are all these things I could say just a little about, however I am not usually good at just saying a little. I said in my last blog I was going to go to kick boxing every morning this week, which I did. I am not doing so great on my evening exercise. I have yet to get in a run. I honestly have been so exhausted this week that I have had to just rest and that itself hasn't been enough. I did go to class on Tuesday night in addition to morning class. I love going to evening class because I feel like I can push WAAAAAY harder...this leads me to my next thought in just a minute. I was supppper sore after going to two classes on Tuesday and then getting back up Wednesday at 4:20am to go again. I received a call at 11:15 that day that my kitchen table we ordered 3 months ago was going to be delivered at 12:30. Well crap, I got nothing done and work and sped off to make it home before the delivery truck arrived. I LOVE MY TABLE!! Anyway, set it up, went and picked up Trenton and I think I napped off and on for close to 3 hours. We went to a birthday party and home by 9:30 but still not to bed before 10:30-11. These late nights are killing me. Went to class Thursday morning and drug myself through it but I wasn't real productive. I was so tired all day Thursday I was nearly falling asleep on my way TO work. I almost had myself talked into going back to class in the evening but when I stood up to get out of the car my calves were hurting so bad, I decided to cook supper and relax. As sleepy as I have been lately and feel like I am dragging myself through the muck, I decided I need a pre workout supplement, to at least make myself feel like I am giving it my all for the hour I am at class, really one of my biggest pet peeves is halfassedness! So I did get some Visalus samples and I am hoping to get to GNC this weekend to get a few other samples to see what I like best for me, I am really nervous about things that could mess with my blood pressure or heart rate since I have a history of high blood pressure. Today I am feeling good! I woke up knowing it was Friday!

I left my computer and am now back with a thought. We all have goals. Everyone's are different. If everyone had the same goals there would be nothing unique about any of us. We each are different in our own ways. So what are your goals???? Really, where is it that your life is taking you and where is it that your going to take ahold of the reins and change directions? You can change directions at any time, remember you have ahold of the reins.

I don't always know exactly what my goals are, but I do know the direction I want to go. This girl above is not my goal. This person is skinny. She is not fit, probably starves, is right for someone but not what I want to be.

This is closer, I want girly curves and definition at the same time. Conceded, maybe, idealistic, maybe, but this is my goal and no one else's. Something I have come to learn and accept is that I or anyone for that matter can loose a large number on the scale week in and week out. Send me out on a bender and give me 3 days and I can drop 5-7 pounds. Healthy...no, sustainable...no. Will it get me or you to goal...NO! Since my goal is not strictly loosing weight I have come to accept that this process takes time. I want to feel good, enjoy life, build myself from the inside out and enjoy the life I have and the one I am making. Healing the heart from the inside and building the body from the inside takes time. I have seen great strides in my muscle tone in the last 6 months, yes 6 months. But does it matter that it took that long for me to get guns? No because I enjoyed the process. A person has to continue pushing through, enjoy what they are doing and NEVER GIVE UP. EVER

 Ok there is not much to you with the burpee image but I have to tell you a funny story. I am at class yesterday morning and like I said, utterly exhausted, sore from head to toe and very uncoordinated. We're doing work on the bosu and when you jumped off the bosu you were to do a burpee. I just was not feeling it. I could not make my body do what I wanted it to do. I jumped off the bosu, squatted down, hands on the floor, jump back, and fall down. MY LEGS DID NOT MOVE! Yep I felt a little silly hoping no one from behind me happen to see, since I was in the front row!! I think I literally laughed out loud at myself! But I jumped back up an did it again! When life knocks you down, do a burpee!! And if you fall down during your burpee...DO ANOTHER:)

 Happy Friday! Go enjoy your weekend and feed your body the fuel it needs and use it as it was intended to be used! SUNDAY I TURN 30!!!!

August Goals

I set my August goals last week and it is time to be accountable and share them.

Make every morning kickboxing class this month(I was starting to get into an oversleeping rut-NO MORE)

Run 8 miles per week-This isn't much but it will get me started again

Down 15 pounds-Big numbers but I need to focus

Control night time binging

I skipped weigh in this morning. I know it was bad. Yesterday after cleaning my house I spent the day making mints for my sisters baby shower and then I plan on taking a dip so I thought I better make it ahead of time to try and make sure it was good. Needless to say my supper consisted of mints and crab ragoon dip, BAD CHOICE!!! I have been my own worst enemie this last few weeks and it is time to focus! Only I can do this for me and no one else!

I decided on my way to work this morning that I will be going to kickboxing every morning this week and then either running or kickboxing also in the evening. Yes this is a lot. I have a lot to make up for and it isn't even the exercise that is needed, it's the mental change that will happen when I put all my focus into one hat. I'm tired of setting goals and not reaching them. I will be 30 next Sunday and I really wanted to be out of the 200's by then. I have only failed myself. So my goal now is to be as close to 199 as I can get.

 NO MORE BS STORIES!

Happy Birthday Arnold!

To start off Happy Birthday Arnold!!

 

 

I don't have a lot of newness to report today. It was a fairly lazy weekend. Tyler had to work all day Saturday in Omaha. After I got the house work done, this is something I hate but am becoming a little more anal about since our remodel, Trent and I went to Des Moines and saw Turbo at the Jordan Creek Cinema. I love that theater! The seats are super comfy! I did manage to stay completely away from any treats at the theater. Trent had ice cream. I let him splurge. He has been on a dairy free diet for about 2 1/2 weeks for his chronic runny/stuffy nose and it has worked! I am at the point with his ears and sinus's that I am willing to try anything rather than putting him through surgery AGAIN! He's only 6 and has had surgery 4 times with still having troubles and has lost partial hearing in his left ear. It is time to go back to the ENT but I have been holding off to see if our check ups at the chiropractor are healing his ears. And quite frankly he likes Dr Josh much better than the ENT. But anyway after the ice cream it was only a couple of hours and his faucet on his face started flowing and breathing was heavier. I guess dairy free will be something we are going to adjust to in our house for the long haul. After the movie I went to Bed Bath and Beyond to try and find a shower curtain and trash can for our bathroom. It's been all summer the inside of our house is essentially done and I have not bought ANY decorations. I did find what I liked at Bed Bath and Beyond but it was $100 for a shower curtain, hooks and trash can, I couldn't justify it! I put it all back and left with a vase and flowers to set on the counter. We went to Target for a back pack and I looked at shower curtains there too, NOTHING!! After the Target crowd, I was done. I swear kids and mom's school supply shopping is enough to put me over the edge. I really wanted to go to Kohl's but Trent and I had enough of shopping together. It was about to get ugly! We came home. I stopped by the Dollar General to pick up a couple things and thought I would just see what they had for shower curtains. By God of all places that is where I ended up getting my shower curtains, hooks and 3 rugs!

Sunday we didn't do a lot either. Hung out at home, Tyler went fishing and then we had a fish fry at the neighbors. I love the fish and we had fried potatoes. WAY TO MUCH GREASE! My tummy was hurting.

I started following a new plan. It is eating a lot like I always have, protein, veggies and a few carbs but it is more accurate timing of the correct foods. Chris Powell's 7 day carb cycling. I am down 4 pounds in 3 days, so I am anxious to see what a full week brings!




I decided yesterday that I was going to run, no if's and's or but's, I was doing it. I packed my workout clothes in my work bag, changed at work so I had no excuse to stop at home and when I got into town parked my car at the store and off I went. Honestly, I was scared to death. I haven't run more than once a month for probably 6-8 months. My biggest fear is always that dirty "f" word...FAILURE! What if it was hard, what if I couldn't make it as far as I thought I should, what if I have to walk, what if, what if, what if. Well what if you never lace up your shoes again? What if you never get out there and make an attempt? What if it isn't that hard? You'll never know if you don't just go do it! And Warrior Dash is less than a month away and it is not going to run itself! I set out and did 2 fairly slow miles, 11:30 minute miles. But I ran the entire thing and it wasn't that hard. So I am setting out tomorrow to do 3 miles. It's time to get back into the routine. I hate putting on my shoes to go run, I get butterflies in my stomach, but I love the feeling after I accomplish a good run!

I have laid off the biking a little the last week. My right pinky and ring finger are still numb from last Wednesday. DAMN CARPAL TUNNEL!!! I am going to have to make some adjustments before I add any more miles.

Totally over slept this morning so I will be going to Fabulous Fit Boxing tonight and taking Trent along. I will have to be sure and find him something to do. Well it is a high carb day and I can absolutely tell the difference in how I feel. I know tonight will be a kick ass workout! I have that much energy today!

 

I am getting a little windy so I'll finish up. Here is a picture I found from 5 years ago. It was 6 months before I started this journey. My how time changes things!!! 2013/2008

 

This week's goals:

5 days kickboxing

Stay on plan on low carb days

Keep cheat meal down to 1 meal

Run 10 miles

Current Weight: 209

Next week goal: 203(Yes this is a stretch, but I will do it!)

Plan smart for my birthday! (I will be 30 on August 11) I am struggling with this idea, NO LONGER IN THE 20's?????

Persistance

Wow have I been MIA! I have however been enjoying myself! Lots of time out with friends and family the last two weeks. It wasn't good for the scale but it was good for my soul!

So what have I been up to?? Last weekend was the 2013 Bar-2-Barbra. If you ever want to get involved in a fundraiser event this is the one. It is a 10k bike ride, run or walk and this year a golf tournament was added. There is something for all levels. As well as the physical event there is a dare show. You can dare someone to do something silly for a dollar amount. All proceeds go towards Huntington's disease research. Sarah is the woman who started this event. She made a promise to her mother after she passed away from Huntington's disease if she did not carry the gene she would do what she could to make a difference. This is how the event all began! here is a link to the Facebook page, check it out and join us next year! Bar-2-Barbra My dare was to race with Roger and Chance to see who could finish their jalapenos and coke first. I won!

There has been more alcohol consumed by me in the last two weeks than I usually drink in a year! And yes it has caught up to me! I was up just over 10 pounds in two weeks. But I am back on track and it is falling off again.

This is short and sweet today, I have a meeting to get to but persistence is what will get you where you need to go. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue pushing through! YOU WILL GET THIS!

 Keep making small efforts and all the obstacle's in your way will suddenly become part of the journey!