A bad run is better than no run

I has been a crazy busy couple of days. The drywall finisher came to give an estimate on Tuesday and they were ready to come on Thursday! NOOOO NOT YET! We aren't ready. This means rush rush to get things ready for them and to get the basement ready to tear out the ceiling so the guys can work on running new duct work and installing a new furnace. I am amazed and the little amount of items I can live with. I thought I had condensed in the beginning to only the basics. Since then I have condensed twice more. We really have a lot of STUFF we don't use. So the drywall finishers will be there Monday and the house will be ready to paint by Friday. I thought I had a few paint colors picked out but now that it is time to decide for sure, I DON'T KNOW!!! And of all things in life this stupid decision is really stressing me out!!!

When I stood on the scale on Monday I was up again, 211.6. I hate Sundays. They are the hardest day for me to stay on track! I talked with the girl I weigh in with on Mondays and committed myself to scale stalking this week. Why would I do something I preach not to do?? Well I needed to be committed to get myself back on track. I decided to weigh in on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. I made the goal to be down to 205 by Monday. I made 207 on Wednesday and we'll see what tomorrow brings. I was up this morning, I did go over my calorie goal yesterday but less than 100. I did make a few bad choices, frosted sugar cookie in the afternoon and rice at supper. NO CARBS IN THE EVENING!! I know better. It was sooo nice out yesterday. Spring is finally coming! I wanted to run. Even if it was just 2 miles. However I woke up and couldn't hardly walk. I had injured my foot last year in Warrior Dash. When I jumped over a wall the outer aspect of my foot popped and nearly dropped me. This was the second obstacle I think and I managed to fight off the tears and finish the race. I couldn't put weight on it for a few days but it got better. Tuesday night in kickboxing it started bothering me and I have it figured out I can put weight on my heel and ball of my foot but not the outside. So needless to say there was no run last night. It feels ok today so if I manage to be very productive at work and get off at a decent time I may run a couple miles in the afternoon and going to try taping it for kickboxing tonight.

 
 
 
 
 
 

Tomorrow I am going to take Trenton to the Science Center in Des Moines to see the dinosaur exhibit. He LOVES dinosaurs and can tell you way more about them than any 5 year old should know. It should be a fun spring break outing. Then a follow up ENT appointment and to pick out the hard wood flooring and bring home doors and kitchen cabinets. I will manage to get in a workout every day this weekend. I will have to work hard to get to 205 by Monday but I WILL DO IT! This means run, run, run! The Ipod is charging!! But it really needs some new music. I will try to run tomorrow morning before the family wakes up so we can just focus on our fun for the day. I know I won't get it in after we get back from Des Moines.

EVEN DAUGHTRY WORKS OUT! HOTTIE! WHEWW!

Ever changing

What a busy weekend. My body hurts so bad everywhere! My hips and knees are killing me! BUT all the destruction of my house is done for now. Until we put in the new furnace and at that point we will have to tear out the ceiling in the basement which means we have to move our stuff out of the basement and the upstairs is not move in ready. Ugg. I am thinking about a mini vaca while the guys do that. They think it will take them about 4 days to tear out the duct work and put in new along with the new furnace. I think it sounds like a good time for Trent and I to pack up and head to Michigan to visit my mom. I haven't been out there for nearly 2 years!

Coming into the weekend I had done really well with my meals and food choices. All I wanted Saturday night was a dam Cadbury egg. I did go to Casey's and they did not have any!! So I ate all kinds of other crap. And the same thing happened Sunday. This night time eating is killing my success lately. I go down a couple pounds and then back up a couple more. It is a stupid vicious circle right now. I do a lot of thinking about myself. That sounds a little selfish I know but I am always analyzing what I have done and how it makes me feel or act. I have come to the conclusion that the change hasn't happened yet. I have made a LOT of changes to myself in the last 4 years but I have found I still don't have that inner strength to do this on my own. I have always been a motivator to others and I am always trying to get people to join me in my fitness excursions. But when it comes down to myself without everyone else, I won't and don't do it. What does it take to get back there? Because I once did have that. When I felt my strongest, not physically but mentally and emotionally was when I was doing distance running. It was a confidence built from within that maybe I could do this! As I am dreading it right now because running is not easy, it is time to start training again. I must get out on the pavement. I will continue to drag with me whoever will go because if that is what it takes to get back to where I was then that is what it takes.

I talked with one of my  most successful former training clients this morning and we are going to try to start meeting again. Even if it is once a week we could both use the time together. We have both been through so much and many very similar things that we work well together and we feed off each other. Time to move forward. I have big goals this week and am resorting back to checking in with her every other day to keep on track until I get my grove back. The one thing I am sure of over the last few years that I have learned is nothing works for everyone. Every day we are constantly evolving and changing. The key is learning from yourself and finding what works for you. Well I have found what doesn't work so it is time to try something else. Trial and error. It is not failure until you stop trying.

Left, right, left, right

I have really been thinking about signing up for Dam to Dam again this year. My past running partner does not want anything to do with this race again. We have done it twice now and it is a little tough. But I guess that is why it remains in the back of my mind. 20 k is 12.4 miles and this race ends the last 2-3 miles in hills. Great place to throw in the hills huh! My biggest fear is failure! I HATE THE "F" WORD! More than anything in this world, I hate failure. So I constantly think about all these "what ifs". But I guess it is not comfort that got me this far and remaining comfortable won't get me any further. When I started this blog I still hadn't decided yet if I was going to run this race. I can't let it come and go and not participate. I would be really disappointed on the day of the race if I wasn't there!   So I guess that means I am signing up! Oh dear!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes at a certain point it does get this simple. Left right left right left right....

 These are pictures from Dam to Dam 2011. There is a huge feeling of accomplishment when crossing the finish line. Well after the search for the nearest trash can because I was going to lose my stomach on the crowd around us! There is no better feeling than when you feel you have no more left in you and you can not take many more steps. But out of nowhere comes this burst of energy and you stop jogging and RUN the last couple of miles faster than the first 10!! And looking at the picture of me with Trent makes me tear up every time. He said to me that day, "mom, you didn't win." No your right buddy mommy didn't cross the finish line first, but I crossed the finish line. He was so proud of his mommy that day! I want another one of these pictures after I cross the next finish line!

This picture is from the IMT Half Marathon. Roger on my left and Lynn on my right. And the other three are people I met nearly by chance. It is what running is all about. The family and relationship that is developed is AMAZING. We all struggle through the same thing. We share aches and pains that non runners don't understand. We can spend to hours side by side and not say a word and know what the other is thinking. And all that may be said is, "We've got this." So with butterflies in my stomach I hit the enter button. Dam to Dam 2013 here I come and finish first, finish last, finish with a PR(BTW is currently 2 hours 20 minutes) or finish with the worst time ever...I will finish!

Bob's Skinny Rules

I came across Bob's rules earlier in the week and wanted to share it with everyone and my take on things.

Rule 1: WATER WATER WATER It is SOOOO important. If you lack in your water you will be able to tell in how you feel and on the scale. Also drinking it before a meal will help you to consume less food because of the space it takes up in your stomach.

Rule 2: Drinking your calories is a complete waste. Drink water, eat your calories

Rule 3: Protein helps you stay full longer, it helps to stabilize your blood sugar which keeps you from having uncontrollable cravings and spikes and valleys in your energy.

Rule 4: refined flours and grains are unnecessary. Anything refined is really unnecessary and you are just adding extra chemicals and fake food to a body that is not meant to process them.

Rule 5: Fiber keeps you full longer. Also the most beneficial fibers come from fruits and veggies, these are naturally low calorie foods, enjoy all you want of them!

Rule 6: Apples and berries are great antioxidants and are some fruits with the lowest sugar content but you still get a sweet fix.

Rule 7: Many people will tell you that you need carbs. Let me correct them. Your body needs very limited carbs. If you don't use(burn) a carb within 2 hours it is processed by the body, broken down into sugar and stored as fat. FAT. IT'S STORED AS FAT! That is why he says none after noon. So that all the carbs you have consumed are processed by your body and you don't have sugar in your blood when you go to bed. Even if you starved yourself all day and ate a high carb supper, you will probably still have a higher body fat percentage. Who wants to be skinny if you still have a lot of body fat? This is what we call skinny fat.

Rule 8: Read food labels so you understand what your eating, they may surprise you.

Rule 9: Portion distortion is a huge problem in today's society. It is most likely not as big as you think it is.

Rule 10: No added sweetener. The body is not meant to process it. Even thought artificial sweeteners are no calorie they still affect the blood sugar causing cravings and that sudden 10 minute nap at your desk in the middle of the afternoon that you hope no one else saw. However this is one that I have not been able to get away from. Yes I still use them :(

Rule 11: white potatoes have very little nutrition value. Again back to that carb thing.

Rule 12: Well it lessens the calories I suppose, but I love my meat.

Rule 13: Fast food and fried foods are full of hidden calories, artery clogging grease, and about 30-60 minutes after consumption is usually followed by a sudden fast trip to the bathroom. Yes it really screws with the bowels. Remember your intestines is where all your nutrition is absorbed. You wouldn't take a bite of Crisco or a swig of vegetable oil. Don't eat the fried stuff!

Rule 14: Start your day off right. Eggs and veggies are really easy to throw in the microwave while you put your make up on or tie your shoes!

Rule 15: If you make it you can control what is in it and it's a lot cheaper

Rule 16: High salt causes water retention and can lead to health issues like high blood pressure, heart disease and stroke.

Rule 17: Vegetables are not an option. That's all

Rule 18: I love to go to bed hungry. This means my body will be burning my stored fat while I sleep and not what I have eaten and is in my blood stream. Burning stored fat means less body fat!

Rule 19: Sleep is so important in health and weight loss. It is something you may not notice until you start to pay attention. When I start to lack sleep, I binge, uncontrollably. I become more emotional. I don't feel like working out. And another note...I could eat the same foods and exercise the same way and when I lack sleep your body also lacks results. It doesn't have time to run all it's process. Every person is different. You have to try it out and see what works for you. I need no less that 7 and no more than 8.

Rule 20: It is important for one cheat meal. But plan it. Know what your going to have and when so your cheat meal doesn't turn into 3 days of binging. When your body gets used to what you give it it tends to not work as hard. Your cheat meal throws it off and keeps it revved up and going.

 

So that is my take on Bob Harper's skinny rules in a nut shell!

One day at a time

Today is an off day. I set my alarm clock for 5:30 so I had a little extra time to just sit and enjoy my coffee before it was time to get ready for work. And Trent had asked if he could watch a show before we left this morning. Well my alarm clock went off, several times and I ended up waking up late. 6:50 to be exact and I like to leave by 7:15. I don't even think I had wiped the sleep from my eyes when I left. My eyes hurt today. They feel puffy. Like that feeling you get when you have cried a lot. But there has been no crying, just puffy eyes.

We went to Donkey basketball last night and it was hilarious! I have never seen anything like that before! My food choices were a little poor yesterday. I was on a self pity trip from that unexplained gain on the scale yesterday. I had 2 glazed donuts and a small mint shake. I did not eat from 2:00 until after the ball game when I was so hungry my stomach was past growling, it hurt. I ate peanut butter and banana toast and a Greek yogurt. Should not have eaten at 9:45 but I would have been in awful shape if I would have waited until morning. I did stand on the scale this morning. Yes I preach no scale stalking but I am guilty. It was back down to 209. I don't get it. Decent food choices and a gain. Crappy food and no exercise and it's back down. Oh well it is what it is.

I think today is a detox day. I have eaten well. Every couple of hours and good choices and I have the shakes almost a little nauseous. Most likely my body yelling at me for all the sugar yesterday. I know better.  Tonight is my circuit training class and I have a pretty tough 55 minute program planned. Most likely it will be an early to bed night. Although I have more staples to pull so the last of the drywall can be hung in the back porch and need to start organizing the garage so we have room to stain the doors when they come.

Mental funk takes me back to the basics.

I had a pretty good weekend. I really struggle to get out of this mental funk I have been in lately. I think it boils down to I am sick and tired of living in our house the way it is. But I guess I can't twinkle my nose and make it all done. I have tried. It didn't work. Mom always told me I could be anything I wanted but I guess a genie doesn't qualify.

Friday night Trenton stayed at Grandma's and we made another trip to Menards for more drywall and boards. I was starving by the time we got to Des Moines. We dicided to stop at Panchero's. I thought to myself, this is going to be a disaster! But was supprised when we got inside that they had a salad on the menu. The steak or chicken burrioto looked magnificent!! But I knew with the hand made tortilla and stuffed with rice it would be off the calorie charts. I ordered a salad with chicken, black beans, a little cheese and salsa. It was really good! Then when I put the calories into My Fitness Pal I was pleased to see it only had 238! That burrito by the way was 1098!!!! Glad I didn't let my eyes change my mind! We did a little furnature browsing and did agree on a paint color for our bedroom and left the rest as we agreed to disagree.

Saturday started out with Kickboxing. Always my favorite part of the weekend! The guys worked on getting the front, back and patio doors in while I packed up my kitchen stuff. It is going to be suppppper hard to make the next month work without eating shit food all of the time but I will do it! I went grocerey shopping on Saturday afternoon and then to a get together for a friends birthday Saturday night. The kids played and ran wild. I had my fair share of vodka & crystal light. It may be my new drink of choice! Sunday I didn't do much. Got my hair highlighted, few loads of laundry and took a nap. I have no motivation here lately, to do anything.

Monday is weigh in day. It sucked! I have been at 208 for two days and then I get on this morning and it says 211!! WHAT THE HELL!! I did not eat late in the day, I did not go over on my calories, but I gain 3 pounds!!! Yes this is VERY frustrating! I will do things one day at a time this week. All I can do is do my best and then move on. Goals for the week are clean food choices and lots of water. Guess I am going back to the basics this week.

Our Condemed House

Today is going to be great! It is supposed to be so nice outside!! I am so over winter and ready for spring!

 I had weigh in at our work weight loss challenge today. I was not supprised that I was up 1 pound. The last two days have been pretty stressful for me and my husband has been out of town. What do I do when I am lonely and stressed?? EAT! So I now have no chips or junk food of any kind in my house. I ate it all :( I am not making excuses because I am the one that put the food in my mouth but I tell you this remodeling my house is starting to get to me. I have all these great intentions when I leave work and by the time I drive 45 minutes home I have lost every bit of motivation I had. By the time I pick up Trenton and come home, get supper started. Mind you I have half a kitchen right now and that is the only room I have. We eat and then most often Trent wants to watch an episode of Wild Krats. Well as I said the kitchen is the only room I have and the three of us are crammed into the basement along with all of our belongings. The ONLY place to sit down, is my bed, which sits on the floor because the box spring would not fit down the basement steps. By the time you sit down on that bed there is no getting back up. It just sucks you in. I think Trent and I were both asleep by 8:00 last night. It may have still been light out. I had cleaned out, vacuumed and washed my car before we ever came in the house and that is all I got done. Oh, I did do a load of laundry, but forgot to put it in the dryer so my jeans were still wet this morning!! I just want to set on the couch or at the table. Have another room to go to beside our crammed basement bedroom and bathroom. You can only clean the same small space so many times before you say screw it! I could never make it in an apartment!

                       I think right now it looks like it should be condemed!  The windows are covered                            in plywood, siding is tore off in places and mess everywhere!

It will all be worth it when we're done, right?


I have not worked out since Tuesday night. I feel really lazy because of this. If I just did something I would have a lot more energy! Tonight I will be able to go to kick boxing. I haven't been to boot camp in 2 weeks! UGG I have to get busy!

In the next week I will be losing what kitchen I have left. When we started this project we kept saying the kitchen is the only room that we are not doing because we did it 5 years ago. Well it is about to go out the window! I have been making a list of crock pot recipes. I think this may be the strangest part of the entire remodel. Cooking in my garage! Yeah this will suck.

No great big goals this weekend. Just kickboxing tonight and tomorrow morning, try to run on Sunday and to stay on track with proper food choices. NO ORDERING OUT. Yes it is killing me that the new Mexican restraunt has opened in Greenfield and I reeeeealllly want to go there but I just can't let myself yet!

You can break my spirit

Well yesterday was a completley shitty day. It started out rough before I ever left home and it continued to be that way all day! One of those days where everything made me cry and I could not shut the tears off. I am typically a strong person emotionally and sometimes I hate that. When I finally break down I am a big ole hot mess!!

Trent had the Grand Prix Derby at AWANAS last night and he was so excited to race his car. I helped him build it, mind you I have never done this before and I had no idea what I was doing. I did feel bad that he didn't even win one race. But I guess it was a good learning experience for him. He is a very sore loser so it is good to lose a few times. I had done well with my eating until I got home at 8:00 last night and then it was a free for all. I let my day get the best of me and resorted to old habbits trying to burry the emotions. It didn't work. It never does. So I screwed up. Today is a new day and it means I have to work that much harder. Lots of water, smart food choices and I must get in a work out sometime.

Trent woke up in the middle of the night with diarrhea. I ended up putting him in the shower at 4:00 in the morning and then we went back to bed. I should have just stayed up. I am having a really hard time waking up in the morning right now. I know I could go to bed earlier some times but I think being in the basement where it is completely dark is making it that much more difficult. I can not wait for our house to get finished so I can move back upstairs to my bedroom. It is nice outside already this morning and I think I will take advantage of that and get the car cleaned out this afternoon. IT IS A PIG STY!!! And I hate that! I haven't decided yet if I will run after work or go to kick boxing tonight. I suppose it depends on how Trent's day at school goes. I don't like dragging him to kick boxing with me during the week because we don't get done until around 9 and he should be in bed by then. So we will see. My day today has started out better and I intend to keep it that way. My feelings are still a little hurt by yesterday's incidents but I will deal with that in time.

 

                                              She is my biggest competitor!

 

I will beat her!!

 

 

And a funny!

 

Goals and rewards!

As I said yesterday I am throwing out the scale for the week. If you don't know me well then you don't know that this idea of not weighing in every morning causes a near anxiety attack just thinking about it!! I always tell people when trying to lose weight don't stand on the scale daily, scale stalking will only discourage you. But I do the exact opposite! Maybe when you get to maintenace mode that is ok but not when trying to lose. So in the middle of the night when I got up to pee I took the scale and tucked it in the closet behind the water heater. Out of sight out of mind. I hope! The reason for doing this right now is I know I try harder when I don't know where I stand. I put forth more effort. It is so easy to stand on the scale in the morning and see a couple pound loss and use that to justify eating crappy things. "Well I lost 2 pounds so I can eat a cheeseburger and cheesey fries with a shake tonight" Yes I have said that to myself more than once! We are our own worst enemies! It is ok to eat those kind of things once in a while but NOT every day or even every couple of days. Whatever you do the majority of the time is what will show on the outside! So it made me a little nervous but I did bypass the scale this morning. The whole protien shake for supper kind of worked last night. I got home after work and tried to start getting things out to cook supper for my family. I am so lost in my half a kitchen I have right now! Breaded tenderloins and french fries is what they had. (My hubby has no desire to eat anything green or healthy, rabbit food is what he calls it)As I was smashing the ritz crackers to bread the pork chops in I started getting the stuff out for my protein shake. It was SOOOOOO Yummy!! 1 cup Silk unsweeted vanilla almond milk 1 scoop vanilla whey protein 2 cups frozen strawberries 1 orange early rise sugar free drink mix packet I will absolutley make it again!! But then I thought I would try one corner of the tenderloin and ended up eating a whole one. It wasn't a terrible choice but it wasn't in my plan for the day! Something I thought about yesterday was goals. I used to set small goals and rewards for myself and I stopped doing that quite some time ago. It is time to set them again. Often we have to remind ourselves to stop looking at how far we have to go and look at how far you have come! Pat yourself on the back, no matter how big or small give yourself the credit you deserve for the work you have done!So set yourself small goals, 5-10 pound goals with a non food reward.
Here are mine
200-Ipod arm band
193-Yoga pants
186-$10 itunes
179-Scrubs
172-new socks
168-swimsuit
164-Jeans
160-shirt
156-bra shopping
152 Boots- the knee high kind!!
148- Photo shoot!!
146- SOMETHING BIG THIS IS POUNDS LOST!!
I have a busy day at work and then circuit training tonight. This is always a good night for me, I DON'T HAVE TO COOK SUPPER!! So suck it up and get busy!

Throwing out the scale and training!

What a busy weekend!We are still spending all our free time working on the house. It saves a lot of money doing all the remodeling ourselves, with the help of a few friends, but man does it take a lot longer! Right now our house looks condemend. We have no windows, they are all covered with plywood, half the siding is tore off, the railings are missing on the front porch and it goes on and on! But on the positive note, the drywall is almost all hung, the windows are ordered, furnace and air are ordered, and ordering kitchen cabinets next weekend. This means it is being put back together! I went to kickboxing on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, it is one of my favorite classes. I love beating on the bag a little. And it is even better when I come home with bloody knuckles, it's like it is proof of my work that day and makes you feel a little bad ass! Saturday evening, even though I was tired I decided to head into the city to get some shopping done because of the pending snow storm on Sunday. It was nice to have a couple hours of quietness to myself, however; I found nothing I wanted. Trent needed a coat, his zipper broke on his, and snow boots. I stopped 4 places and didn't find anything! I wanted a new pair of workout pants. I never found those either. Every place I went to had their spring stuff out already and I didn't want capris, I wanted pants. So I guess for now I am stuck with the same ones I have had for a couple years, the waist rolls down and I am constantly trying to fix and adjust them. But I guess they'll work until I can get out the capri's. My favorite part about going to the city on my own is going to the drive through at Panda Express! Broccoli beef and mixed veggies for less than 200 calories!!! MMMMM yummy! Sunday I finished up the laundry. I have NO dirty clothes and ALL the clean clothes are put away!! Yes this is record setting for me! I don't think I have had all the laundry put away in well over a year! Thanks to my Mother in Law for helping me while the guys worked on the house! It wasn't a great food day, but not terrible. I did do a decient job making food choices but before bed I ate a Little Debbie Easter cake. Not a smart decision. Shouldn't eat that late at night and definatley not sugar! I had taken a nap with Trenton earlier in the day in combination with day light savings time and the sugar, I was wired! I never have troubles sleeping and I was up until almost midnight, wired!!! If there would have been a 10pm fitness class I would have gone last night!! So today is weigh in day with a friend and I came in at 209. This was down 2 pounds but really frustrated me! I could have made a little better food choices but I thought I had done better than that. As she reminded me, the number does not define you. So this week I decided I am not setting a big # goal. Between now and next Monday I will have 3 runs, 2 bootcamp classes and 2 kickboxing classes. I am going to try only having a protein shake for supper. Evenings are the hardest time for me to stay on track so I am going to make it simple. Eat the right food all day, protein shake for supper. I also decided I need to get back to goals and rewards for myself. So I will spend today writing them and post what I come up with tomorrow!! So this is my goal for the week! Train, Eat, Sleep! And last I am putting the scale away. THIS IS SCARRY FOR ME!!! If you know me at all I am a sclae stalker!! Every morning I stand on it. I am putting it away until next Monday! If I don't know how I am doing I think I will work a little harder! This is a great reminder!

Just another day

Well yesterday wasn't a real eventful day. After work I changed clothes and flew back to town to teach my circuit training class. It was a small class. Me and one other person. It was to be expected with no school and many people spent the day in Des Moines after the state basketball game. My food has stayed on track pretty well. I did eat a few pizza rolls but I stayed within my calorie goal and ate clean the rest of the day. I am trying really hard to not eat late in the evening. Sometimes it is one of the hardest things for me. I often fill my evening with eating. But I have learned how important it is to not eat a couple hours before bed. Some may be able to do that but I could eat perfect all day and eat a meal right before bed, even if it is clean and within calories for the day, I will still show a gain the next day. SO that is my struggle I am focusing on this week. I did measure my body fat % while at the fitness center last night and I am at 34.3%. My goal is to see this to 20-22% by the end of the year. I will give it a month or two before I check it again. This changes pretty slowly. I have also had a hell of a time getting to bed early at night. Don't get me wrong. I sleep well and fall asleep literally when I hit the pillow. But my husband is gone for work overnight sometimes so when he is home I feel like I have to stay up with him. And he is the one that stays up half the night and has troubles sleeping. If I don't get my sleep, I don't function worth a shit and I will be the first one to back out of the gym at 4:30 in the morning. Which I did yesterday morning and this morning. I got up, shut off the alarm, put on my socks and climbed back in bed. So I guess while Trent is at church tonight I will have to go to the gym and get my 3-4 miles done. Nothing to eventful in our life today. Work, supper, church, a little work on the house, make friends with the treadmill and BED!! I'll end with this. Life IS to short to focus on the negatives. The goal should be to be better than your were the day before. So everyone have a happy day. After all, IT'S HUMP DAY!! Go celebrate :) You can add me on My Fitness Pal if you want to see my food logs My user name its Cassie_70

F*** Society, I choose!!

So I have had a lot going on in my mind here the last few days. Mostly, living the life I want. Not living for societies idealistic thoughts of what a person should be. I WANT TO BE ME! Not the me that sugar coats everything, tip toes around thoughts,not the me that is constantly thinking about what others will think, the me that I really am. The me that is just me. I will do the things that I want because I want to. If I want a tattoo, I'll get it. If I want black nail polish, I'll wear it. If I want to be loud and obnoxious I will be loud and obnoxious. If I want to dance on the tables at the bar I will dance on the tables at the bar. Why? Because I shouldn't have top hide who I am to make others like or want to be around me. I am me and I will be me and they will like me for me. I like me! Sometimes one of the hardest things for me is getting past otheres thoughts. Life is not about what others think of you. Life is about enjoying yourself, family and friends. Life is not about keeping up with the Jones'. It is about setting your own goals, your own idealistic images. You don't need compare your journey to everyone elses. After all it is YOUR journey! As a young adult I was told by more than one family member that I would never amount to anything. Well I have spent the last 15 years proving those people wrong. I am a strong woman. I am independent. I have a magnificent career. I have an amazing family. I have become a leader when I used to be a follower. I have the bestest friends! Yes I love you all and you know who you are! I have good days and I have bad days. Don't we all? What I am saying is it doesn't matter what others think. It doesn't matter what someone else is doing or has done. We are who we are inside and no matter how hard we try we can not change that. If we just release the fear and treasure it...all we will have is happiness. So yes this morning my exact words to a friend of mine was "it's time to start living for me. Fuck everyone else and what they think. I want to be me. the real me. Not hide behind societies idealistic thoughts!" So this is me and this is what you can expect... I will give you the shirt off my back if you deserve it push me against a wall, disrespect me, and you will regret it to dance to be silly to have cocktails and campfires to do my best at what ever it is I am doing challenge me and you'll see the beast come out to prove you wrong mexican food could be on the menu daily and I'd be ok with that I could live in my yoga pants and sweatshirts or jeans and hoodies my son is my world loud music is a must long talks late at night mud sling'n tires on a big truck wrestling blowing shit up road tripping is a fav even as I get older I promise you I will speak the truth, if you don't want to hear it, don't ask! So be you! Only you can make the choice to change your life, only you have made the choices to get it where it is right now. It is yours. You choose. Happy Tuesday and KICK SOME ASS NODAWAY VALLEY BOYS at the state tournament today!!

It never gets easy!

Well I kind of treated this weekend like a last horrah for a couple of months. It is time to focus and today is the day to begin! It was a great weekend! We went out with some friends for supper on Friday night. As per usual we ran an hour and a half later than planned so we skipped Zombie Burger because I didn't want to drive clear down town. But we did go out for supper and a night out on the town. I found Fox Barrel beer. I love it! The one's I had were blackberry and pear flavored. Traking calories on that were depressing! But it was fun and I don't do that very often! Worked on the house a lot on Saturday. They boys tore out the fire place and put up plywood until the windows come. Every day our remodel gets bigger and bigger and we decide to do a little more than we had origionally intended. But I am so excited for it to be done! It will be an amazing change from what we started with! Sunday I picked up what I have left for a house and then went to kick boxing class. That always kicks my ass and is a great work out! Showered and headed to Council Bluffs for a little shopping! Will definatley have to go back. I did buy a new pair of shoes, purple and blue asics, that I can not wait to try out in the gym!! Off to another day of work and squeezing in a work out somewhere. I skipped boot camp this morning. It's an excuse I know but I was tired this morning. I got to bed late last night and when I don't get 7 hours of sleep I struggle all day. The scale said 211 this morning and I am determined by next Monday to see 205! As I have been at this for a few years now I can tell you this is the truth! It should never be easy. If it is you need to try harder! Always be learning, always be growing, always focus on the process and the results will follow!!

I want them to think "she could kick my ass!"

I am super excited to start following my journey monitoring something other than the scale! Body fat %& is really becoming more and more of an interest to me. Who really cares if the scale says 160-170 if your solid. I saw a post on Facebook one dayand of course I can't find it now, but it said "I don't want the guys in the gym to think wow she's hot. I want them to think wow, she could kick my ass!" That's me. I want to be strong, I want to be muscle! So this is the goal! As I said before I want to start training again for another half marathon and long distance running breaks down muscle tissue. So this is why I will be following body fat in addition to the scale to see what happens. I'll be taking official measurements Monday and planning my workout program this weekend. I am starting a challenge at work today through the month of April. So the cash prize for this will be some additional motivation! I am planning a night out tonight wich I don't do often. I am planning on my fair share of cockyails &to supper at Zombie Burger! I've never been there and it sounds way fun!! Tonight aside it's time to find a race to sign up for because without a goal date I will maintain stagnation! So here's to a great weekend and finding goals! Happy Friday!!